This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I cannot find my penis.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
