Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
