You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
