Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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