Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
