I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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