Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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