Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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