I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize