I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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