I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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