I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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