Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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