Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
