Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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