Redeem this text for a blowjob
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this will be a night to untag.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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