I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
