I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
