I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
