I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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