I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
