what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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