Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
