I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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