one two three fourrrrnication!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
