I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
