Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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