So drunk its hurt
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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