I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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