how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's always time for handjobs
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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