if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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