y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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