Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
