I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
