Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
