I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
