I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just found a bag of teeth...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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