At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
