they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
