1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
