I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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