What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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