I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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