I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize