I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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