Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
