My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
