so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
