i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
