There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
