if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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