You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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