doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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