no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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