we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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