I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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