i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He kissed a someone with a penis
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
