I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
