so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
