toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
one might say we're banned from that church
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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