youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize