i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
