she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
