# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
