I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
