I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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