I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
