I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
