My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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