just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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