you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
