I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
