We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
