don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
