I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
