My hand turned me down
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He better not be in your backpack
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
