New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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