either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize