i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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