none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
