Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
