so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
