So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
