I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
