My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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