Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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