Umm I'm too high to move.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
