You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
