Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
