We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
