I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
