hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
