i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
