I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
