If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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