He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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