he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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