I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
