The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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