Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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