If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
