Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Send help, water and tortillas.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
