I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
someone owes me an orgasm
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize