did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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