roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
